Pat and I have been writing a still untitled column for CollegeHumor where we pull together seemingly random elements of pop culture and connect them with trivia and jokes for a list. It’s not unlike the AV Club’s weekly list, or virtually every article you see on Digg. We are both very excited about this week’s installment, Seven Jokes That Came True. It’s about satire that seemed ridiculous at the time, but a few years later came true. Chris Rock had a joke in 1997 about OJ making a video called “I Didn’t Kill My Wife, But If I Did Here’s How I Did It.” Two years before the Gilette Fusion, the Onion ran an article called “Fuck It, We’re Going to Five Blades.” etc. Here’s that link again - Seven Jokes That Came True.
When we started talking about this list, we knew it had to have The Simpsons. After a lengthy debate (which was done mostly in season 3-8 quotes), we decided to connect the scene where Springfield’s Schwarzenegger stand-in McBain saying “Ice To See You” with the real Arnold saying the exact same words a few years later in cold-pun-fuck-fuck-fest Batman & Robin. There was only one problem. Hold on to your keyboards, Internet, because I’m about to drop a bombshell. Despite what it says on the IMDb quotes page, WikiQuote, and countless other websites, Mr. Freeze never says “Ice To See You” in Batman & Robin.
I know. This is big. We wanted to use video examples in the article whenever possible, but I also didn’t want to watch Batman & Robin. I did a ctrl+F through the script and didn’t see it there, but I remained optimstic. Maybe Arnold ad-libbed that gem on set. I knew then I’d have to watch Batman & Robin.
Ok, so I only fast fowarded to the Mr. Freeze scenes. Even taking in only 1/3 of the movie reminded me why it’s so poorly remembered. It’s not good-bad and fun to watch with a group of people like, say, Commando or BeastMaster II. It’s just bad-bad(-bad). It’s an ugly ugly movie that is completely without joy. And Mr. Freeze was using every ice pun except, “Ice to See You.”
The IMDb has gotten me through some pretty rough times, so I was still inclined to trust it. Then I did something I probably should have done first - I emailed Scott Gairdner, the expert on Mr. Freeze cold puns.
Scott is one of my favorite online video auteurs, creating such masterpieces as Travis’ Wish and the wildly underrated Pursuit of Rappyness. He first hit CH’s radar a few years ago when he produced a hilarious montage of Mr. Freeze saying cold words. When Scott consulted his notes and told me he doesn’t think Mr. Freeze says “Ice To See You,” I was crushed. The only thing that made me feel better was the realization that, when it came up naturally, I happened to know the Internet’s expert on Mr. Freeze cold puns.
Confession - when watching Batman & Robin it reached a point where I couldn’t even take looking at it anymore. I only listened to a good swath of the Mr. Freeze scenes. I still feel reasonably confident - between myself, the script, and Scott - that he never says Ice To See You. Everything you know is wrong, Internet.
So, back to the article. We ended up using Scott’s montage along with the McBain scene. It’s not as funny as Arnold using the exact words, but I still think it’s still a pretty strong connection. And I still really like this article.
I watched Batman & Robin (most of it) for this one guys, so if you’ve made it this far down and feel like throwing a Digg on it I certainly wouldn’t say no.
We spent a lot of time thinking about jokes that came true this week. We racked the brain of many serious comedy-philes, but it’s frustrating because I know there are more examples out there. If you can think of any, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.